The Gift of Maternity Leave

I'm sitting here exactly one week from my first day back and work and feeling quite peaceful about the whole thing. I know that first day, first week and probably even first month will be really hard, but in my heart of hearts I know that going back is the right thing for me.

Do I love my little girl? Of course I do! Do I want to spend as much time as possible with her? Definitely. So why am I feeling more okay about all of this then I thought I would? A lot of it has to do with these last 3 1/2 months and the wonderful foundation that gotten to build as a family.

I've really realized throughout these last several months what a gift maternity leave is. The fact that an employer says to you that your family is so important that we will hold your job for you, continue to pay you, and have others take on more work so that you can spend time recovering and adjusting to life with your new baby is quite amazing.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking, in Europe people get 6 months paid, up to a year unpaid, we hardly get any time in the U.S. And trust me, before going on leave I used to be one of those people. But I've really come to realize that while 6 months to a year is not the norm in this country, 12 weeks is actually quite a long time. Dare I say it, maybe even enough time for some...

I do think that we as women should have the option to take 6 months to a year and still keep our jobs since in reality, what's a few years total in the span of a 30+ year working career. It's sad that many women are forced to choose to either stay home full time or go back after those 12 weeks, even if they are not ready. I also do believe that we need to include more time for Dad's and allow them more paid and unpaid time to be home as well.

It's a very complex issue and one that I know is very personal to so many, but for me, right now, I'm choosing to feel very grateful to have had the last 14 weeks home with my family and now looking forward to getting back to a job I love with co-workers I enjoy.

And I know that I'm going to miss being with my sweet girl all the time, but I also know that the separation will make my moments with her that much more sweet. I also know that I have it easier than most, since the one who will be caring for her all day while I'm at work will be her Daddy.

I truly know now that we have to experience the downs of life to really appreciate the ups. After 3+ months feeling in many ways like I've been a a perpetual vacation (yes, babies are a ton of work but in all honesty, it's been a pretty relaxing summer for us) I've forgotten the awesome feeling of Friday afternoons, knowing you have the whole weekend ahead of you. Or the relief of coming home after a long days work. Or the satisfaction of completing a project or presentation and having been told it was a "job well done." These are things that I do enjoy and I am looking forward to having back in my life.

Perhaps part of my positive attitude is knowing that I really do have to go back to work, and that this slower pace of life is not something that we can continue as a family right now. Perhaps we can get it back someday, but for now financial obligations and Matt finishing school are causing us to make these choices.

Who knows if I will still have this attitude a few weeks from now, or when my heart is breaking as I walk out the door on that first day and leave my little girl, but for now I am so grateful for this peace. It's like God knew exactly how much time I needed home and is now gently telling me that it's okay to feel ready to go back to work, okay to be excited even. And I know that the big smile I will get from her when I walk back in the door that night as I hold her in my arms, feeling even more grateful for the time with her, will make it all worth it.